I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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