she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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