Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
