after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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