Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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