Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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