So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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