I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
