who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you get engaged???
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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