I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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