im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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