He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
