I cockslap morals
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
