I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
