You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
