I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
