I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so let's talk penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
