I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
