I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
