is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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