how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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