how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
