oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
