before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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