Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
