If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
