Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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