I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
