so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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