Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
