you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
