video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
