I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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