it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
