I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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