I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
