I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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