went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
