There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
