You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
