Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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