Having a random hookup so left but love u
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
