I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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