I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
