Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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