Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
