Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
