...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is the high leading the old right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
