Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You left your phone here
Wait...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
