the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
