Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
