I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
