I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
