You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
