your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I only lived at night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
