Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
