You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
