So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
