I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
