dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize