What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
