I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
