Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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