If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
