You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
