Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
