You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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