can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
