Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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