shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
