i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
