I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
