There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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