I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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