I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your cock deserves a montage
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
